Short answer – yes, of course they can! Are they always? No, not in my experience anyway. I recently caught myself differentiating between “family vacations” and “real vacations”, sort of jokingly as if I don’t think they can be the same. I suppose there is a little truth in all humor. As one who has been on many family vacations, sometimes with stressed out parents and kids, no one being their best selves for more than a couple of consecutive hours at most, I can say that having more people along can make things challenging. I also know it’s possible to have a wonderful time surrounded by family. There’s nothing more thrilling than seeing something I’ve seen a hundred times through a child’s eyes for the first time. I have enjoyed great family trips, travelling to birthdays and family reunions, meeting distant cousins for the first time; or camping at Fisherman’s Point in Northern Minnesota where my family has been going for generations, to bask in the sun during the first two weeks of July when it’s warm enough to swim in the lake.
I think there are several factors to making a vacation with the family most enjoyable for everyone:
1. Manage expectations. When planning a trip, ask the children (and everyone else) what they most look forward to and try to ensure they at least get to do their main thing. Don’t assume you know what that is; kids can surprise you. Don’t make a lot of promises before you arrive at the location when you can see first-hand what the situation is. What if the hotel pool is closed and you’ve been building up hopes about swimming in the pool?
2. Don’t overschedule. This is a rookie mistake. Just don’t. At our family camp outs at Fisherman’s Point for example, everything is very fluid. There is really no schedule at all. The campground has a few key activities: swimming, boating, fishing, a small playground, a camp store, and some nice trails to walk. Everyone starts out going their own way, or breaking into groups, to do whatever they like, and somehow everyone seems to make it back to the campfire for meals more or less on time, no schedule needed.
3. If you must schedule, try a minimalist approach. Create a home base and a meetup time for lunch or dinner. Until the meetup time, everyone can go separate ways if they want to and meet at the appointed time and place later. This approach works best if you have older kids and are in some kind of closed environment, like an amusement park or a cruise ship. Most larger cruise lines offer kids’ activities/childcare to give parents a break.
4. If you feel you need a recharge, carve out some “you” time, even if it’s just veg’ing in front of the tv in the hotel room for a half hour, or wander away to a quiet spot by yourself for a few minutes. Do it during baby’s nap time, or let your parenting partner take a turn with the kids. For natural loners, this kind of quick recharge makes time with the group so much more enjoyable.
5. This last one may be controversial, especially if you have very small children, but hear me out. As much as feasible try to balance kid-centric trips with more grown-up trips, leaving the kids with relatives or at a sleep away camp. Spend a few days alone at a desert spa or escape for a kid-free night or two with your parenting partner. In case you’re wondering, yes, I know real people who have done these things. Everyone gets a vacation, and afterwards everyone has great stories to share.
Remember, you can take better care of others if you make time to take care of yourself. Creating balance in your life will allow you to better enjoy the time you get to spend with the whole family.